Tag Archives: #author

Dig deep – Hidden Pain

Have you ever had a splinter? Doesn’t that joint hurt like a …? And it’s so amazing and frustrating at how easy it was to get in there but once you’re ready to take it out, you have to go through so much work? It feels like an impossible task. Sometimes the splinter is in a place we don’t think we can access on our own, but it’s much more painful having someone else do it than to do it ourselves.

Removing splinters is so time-consuming. It takes precision and patience. Sometimes it takes forever, but if you really want it out, you’ll put forth the effort. If you can see it and it’s close to the surface, you have a better chance at getting it out much easier and faster. But what about those that are so far beneath the surface, you literally have to dig deep to find and remove it?

That’s what I think of when I think of pain. Pain is like a splinter. It’s literally a pain in the behind, toe, finger, leg or wherever your splinter is, but let’s associate this splinter with the pain of the heart.

There are so many things we keep deep down inside of us. We know it’s there, we can see it, we can feel it, but it takes too much work to release it. Why is that? Because we have to pull back so many outer layers of skin to get to the source/root of the problem. So many of us aren’t willing to take the time to unpack our pain. So, we leave it there to fester and fester and fester and fester until it gets to a point where we can no longer walk, run, breathe, live. The pain is so strong it interrupts our lives when we least expect it.

Have you ever gone off on someone and was surprised at your own reaction? Was it really that serious? Did they deserve the name calling? Did they deserve the sharp tongue? Did they deserve…any of it? You’re holding on to something you need to let go.

Are you reacting to someone the way you react to everyone when they say a “trigger word”? Guess what boo boo? The trigger is not the word. The trigger is you.

You are holding onto something you need to let go of. The dictionary is full of words and no one is going to sit there and figure out what triggers you or not. If you don’t even have the patience to address your own pain, what makes you think others will? They’d quicker leave you alone so you can figure out your own problems than to figure them out for you unless you’re paying them to.

In order to release yourself from this pain, you need to take the time to unpack it.

  • Why did I go off on so and so?
  • What did they say to make me feel that way?
  • Why do I feel that way?
  • Who did what to me in the past to make me feel this way?
  • What did I do to fix it? Did I address it, or did I just ignore it?
  • Now that I know what it was that hurt me, how do I move on from it?

These are the layers of skin you need to pull back to get to the splinter, the root, the source. When you find the source, you have a few steps you can take.

  • Address this issue with the person who hurt you.
  • Forgive them with all of your heart.
  • Forgive yourself for holding onto it.

It’s important to note the space you’re in when you do address the issues with the people who hurt you. If you take that route, you need to be in a space of true transparency and with the effort of moving forward, past this in love and light.

You can’t call up your old best friend or baby momma or baby daddy cussin them out and blaming them for everything in the world that happened to you since they did what they did.

You simply explain to them…

“I’ve been holding onto something that happened between us in the past and it hurt me badly. This is not a call to confront or blame you for anything. I just want to make amends and say I forgive you for whatever I feel you’ve done to me and I hope you can forgive me for holding onto it all of this time.”

It doesn’t matter if you’re friends anymore or not. What matters is that you’ve addressed it, and you want to move forward without it weighing on your heart and spirit from now on. If they accept it, great! If they don’t, you’ve said your peace and you can still move on.

Trust me, it works. I’ve done it myself and you can literally feel the weight melt right off of you. Next!

Now that you’ve gotten that terrible splinter out, you can walk freely. You won’t be “triggered” by words or phrases since you’ve located the source and have moved on from it. Now you’ll be able to live a healthier lifestyle with friends who don’t think you’re crazy because your eye starts twitching everytime someone mentions xyz.

That’s just the beginning of a journey of self-healing. It can probably save you some coint since you won’t need a psychotherapist to unpack it for you, making you relive every horrible moment of your childhood just to get to age 26 when Jack told you to walk home instead of picking you up. Remember, I said, sometimes its more painful having someone else do it than to do it ourselves? #Message.

A lot of self-healing you can do on your own. You just have to know where to start. Start with you. Not everyone else.

~ Toi Powell

Let me grow or let me go

Growing is something we all must do at some point in our lives but, it’s important to know that growth is different for everyone. Some people grow faster and some slower than others but growing is still an important part of life.

Physical growth, of course, is visible to the naked eye. Maybe a child gets taller, someone grows stronger, someone grows bigger and some grow smaller. It’s easier to accept what we can see but what about the things we can’t see. For instance:

  • Emotional
  • Mental
  • Spiritual

These are all areas that you or someone you know has to work on for themselves.

We all carry emotional baggage and we tend to think sometimes that we’ve let it go, but seriously. Did we really? If you still feel the heat of anger rising up in your chest when you think about what so and so did to you and what you wish you would’ve said and done, guess what? You’re still holding on to it. Let it go.

Mentally, when your perspective and knowledge increases, you’re the 1st to know and everyone else is the last to find out. No one likes to be the last to find out anything, so it makes sense to experience some pushback there.

Spiritually – woah! When you become more aligned with God, you change. You become a new you. This can be scary because you find yourself at the crossroads between old and new and you have others trying to pull you back when God is trying to move you forward. It’s a tug of war but only you know what’s best for you. You already know what lies back there but only God knows what lies ahead. Don’t you want the answers to everything you’ve been asking for? Don’t you finally want that business to take off? That special career you’ve been longing for? Behind you is your past and although it prepared you for what lies ahead, it’s time to put your skills to the test and walk in your purpose.

When you begin to “go with the flow” of where God is guiding you, others who “knew” you are so quick to remind you of who you used to be. They throw things at you that make you question yourself based on your old self. But growth, especially spiritual growth is a process. Say it with me… a process!

How others grow is and will be completely different from how you grow. You have your own talents, skills, thoughts, drives, and ways you’d like to share this with others. Just because you don’t grow like them and vice versa doesn’t mean growth isn’t happening. It just means perhaps keep your distance for a while until you are steady enough in your course and have faith that God has seen something special in you and he wants to work with you in wonderful ways.

While you may have looked like a strong tree prior to your transformation…

Photography: Toi Powell

The transition into the new you can look, not so strong…

Photography: Toi Powell

But when you’re allowed to grow in peace and able to spread your roots,  where an old tree last stood, sprouts something beautiful and new.

Photography: Toi Powell

You may not look like the old tree but you’re growing and that’s all that matters. It may take months, it may take years but if you find someone constantly reminding you of who you “were” simply tell them… Let me grow, or let me go.

If they truly love you, they’ll be amazed at the person you’ve grown to be.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 

2 Corinthians 5:17-21  (NKJV)

~ Toi Powell

My Heart Was Built For War

I was told that in life, I would come across some trying times — that I should be prepared to be strong and fight with all of my heart. Those trying times are now upon us but my heart…was built for war. ~Toi Powell

Memories of my past and moments not so distant, reverberate within my chest as I summon the pain I once buried. The pain, it hurts. It burns within me like hot lava beneath a violent earth, promising to rupture at the slightest disturbance.

There ought to be another word to describe the breaking of ones heart besides “heartbroken.” The word just doesn’t do the act, nor the result of it, justice. It is much deeper than that. A heart and spirit so shattered and bruised should not, by any logical standard, function, at all.

The calluses surrounding my heart has formed a protective barrier, enshrining the glowing red shards left over from life’s battles. Whatever is left of it still feels, still hopes, still hurts.

When the first thing you have ever loved introduces the sting of betrayal and dishonesty, there is a special kind of “pain” that seems unrelenting. No matter how much modern medicine has tried to heal it, it cannot heal this. The pain of disappointing, hurtful, abandoning parents/loved ones, the first gods before you knew one, that kind of pain, it never leaves you. Therapy is but a tool, although helpful, tricks your mind into looking past it — to move forward so that you can function as a decent human being in society. But the heart, it knows. It never forgets.

Love is, of course, what our souls desire. It is our purpose. It is what the universe is made of. Procreation, mating and passion, begets life, creation and continued existence. So beautiful, so magical, yet at times, so unattainable. How exhausting is the journey, to have found it and in no fault or in every fault of your own, you have lost it?

Oh the heart, my 5 star general-ess, tired, worn and battle ridden. On the front lines, disabled, yet always charging full steam ahead. My general-ess is bold and brave. She feels and fights not only for her host, but for others who have fallen in life’s battles along the way. She expands, beyond her capacity to love those who cannot love for themselves. Her compassion reaches to the darkest corners of the earth, straining to touch them all. But compassion comes at a price.

Compassion cannot exist without feeling. As overwhelming as it is, one must feel. But how can a broken, wounded heart absorb the pain of others, being so close to the brink of its own devastation? Displacing ones own pain to make room for more, is like playing shuffleboard in a small box, the size of a deck of cards. The worlds pain is my Titanic, and I am desperately stuffing it into a small…box of cards.

Everything hurts. I feel everything. From war ridden countries, to babies without mothers. Genocides to homicides my heart aches to a throbbing beat. Civil rights, women’s rights, Immigration, religious rights, African American rights, LGBTQ rights, Native rights, justice for rape and domestic victims rights. Any basic rights denied to a simple human being on the face of this earth infuriates me. It tears at me. It haunts me.

My fore-fathers and fore-mothers taught us what institutions of education has failed to instill within us. When pain becomes unbearable, and betraying thoughts of surrender to the forces of evil begin to weigh down, there is a moment, if you catch it, where your fear blossoms into courage.

My ancestors had courage. They learned how to live with the pain and used it to fight for freedom, for equality, to fight for the right to love. Blockades of injustice tried to sever their spirits from their souls purpose, tearing families apart, litigating against them for being, different. Still, they used that pain to push on, the fire in them ignited forever. Every strike against them, armored their hearts for long, weary battles and equipped them with the capacity for compassion along the way.

I am a daughter of my forefathers and mothers and I am learning, as they did, to live with and to use the pain. Harnessing strength from them and within, I summon the pain from my memories past, and moments not so distant. I exhume the horrifying truths and disturb the slumbering, violent earth. I arm myself with ammunition against tyranny, patriarchy, discrimination, racism, sexism and greed.

My chin ascends to the heavens from which I came as I use these tools life has given me along the way, to fight. My compassion isn’t without consequence as I grasp the red hot blade of the worlds pain to wield it in battle against the rising evils.

Love is my saving grace. For it is because of love that I have the courage to fight. My 5 star general-ess is bold, strong and brave. She lives to fight another day. I was told that in life, I would come across some trying times — that I should be prepared to be strong and fight with all of my heart. Those trying times are now upon us but my heart…was built for war.

~ Toi Powell

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Preview the Music!

Preview the Music!

Surprise! We have music for Blood of a Queen! So freaking excited for this! I get to combine my love for music and writing into this very unique reading experience and I can’t wait to share it with you all! After spending hours of songwriting, recording, producing and mastering we finally have a finished product!

Why is it So Important to Have Music to Blood of a Queen ?
Music, the magical combination of sounds, harmonic voices, instruments and emotions– is the invisible force that connects the listener to a specific experience, usually one that the writer wants to induce.

We’ve cried, laughed, been afraid and even sat on the edge of our seats in suspense while watching a movie unaware that it is the music that is drawing us in even more. Sometimes the music alone can affect you in ways the dialogue and scenery can’t.

That’s the magic of music. Without it, our experience becomes 1 dimensional. But not anymore. Experience my novel Blood of a Queen like you’ve never experienced a book in your life.

Tweet: #ToiPowell #Author of #BloodofaQueen http://ctt.ec/TEUXR+ previewed her music 4 her #debut #novel and we LOVE it! http://bit.ly/2aHHjgb

How Will Music Work For Our Book?
Just like how a movie soundtrack supports scenes in a movie by describing a current mood or emotion, our music will do the same by enhancing the mood of the book. Placing you in a similar emotional experience as our protagonist, Ruby.

As our characters experience love, heartbreak, betrayal or courage we want the  music to add another layer to the readers experience. See the book like a movie, flow  with the story and be taken deeper.

For additional reading: Check out this article, written by Megan Leigh, on The Importance of a Good Soundtrack 

Launch Buddy, by clicking below, you will be among the 1st to experience the music behind the book!

Click the audio link below to preview our song, Blood of a Queen!

Written by LaToya (Toi) Powell, The TOI House
Co-written by James Aaron Foster.
Performed by LaToya (Toi) Powell
Produced and recorded by James “A-Natural” Foster for Natural City Music. Mixed and mastered by Stefon Moeselle for Secret Sounds Productions

Available at the following locations: on 8/7/16

iTunes, Apple Music, Google Play,
Amazon mp3, Tidal

Don’t forget to share the journey with your friends and family by clicking on the share buttons!

EBOOK NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER ON AMAZON!

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Share your thoughts and feedback in our Secret Book Launch Community!

RSVP FOR OUR BOOK LAUNCH EVENT

SAVE THE DATE: Saturday, August 13, 2016, 5pm
VENUE: Katra Lounge, NYC

SAVE THE DATE - Book Launch - FIVERR

Take On Innovation and enjoy!

~ Toi

I’m back with a sneak peek! SBLJ: Ep 4

I’m back with a sneak peek! SBLJ: Ep 4

Social Book Launch Journey: Episode 4

**Count how many times I drank wine in my video, leave it in the comments to be entered into the sweepstakes to win a free signed copy of the book and an invite to the Book Launch Party in NYC July 2016!!**

Hey everyone! Welcome to episode 4 of our Social Book Launch Journey! In this episode, not only do I update you on our book launch progress, but I FINALLY give you a sneak peak to our Book’s plot. Read below and don’t forget to check out the links I mentioned in my video and make sure you SIGN UP FOR OUR MAILING LIST for freebies, new videos and a chance to win a signed copy of the book and invite to the Launch Party in July 2016!

Make sure to watch the video all the way to the end to see Bonus footage of some of my most funniest moments while filming episode 4!

Take On Innovation and Enjoy,

Toi
Links below!

BOOK MAILING LIST: http://eepurl.com/by3VrP

UPWORKS.COM – Site to find Freelancers and for your projects.

SECRET BOOK LAUNCH FB GROUP:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/17108…
Website: http://thetoihouse.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Instagram: ToiHouse & ToiStori
FB: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/Toicollection
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/toihouse/
GENRE: Literary Fiction / Contemporary Urban Fiction / African American Women’s Fiction
PLOT
A young woman’s new found independence takes her into the heart of a dangerous city in New York; a place her parents forbade her to return to. Ruby, beautiful, yet, sheltered and naive, unearths a web of deception, betrayal, love triangles and stumbles upon a family secret so deadly, she makes it her mission to prove the serious accusations against her family untrue.

A forbidden love interest emerges on her quest for truth and Ruby struggles between following her young heart, or remaining loyal to a long lost childhood friend who is the very one who recruited her help to solve a crime; a crime that would put their friendship in jeopardy.

With the help of her favorite cousin Sheila, the duo uncover hidden secrets from not only her past, but Sheila’s as well and re-sets the wheels in motion to overthrow a troubled, yet, powerful Kingpin upon her arrival.

Skinny Fox Detox Review & Social Book Launch Journey: Ep 3, Toi

Skinny Fox Detox Review & Social Book Launch Journey: Ep 3, Toi

Hey everyone! Welcome to episode 3 of our Social Book Launch Journey! In this episode, not only do I update you on our book launch progress, but I share my Skinny Fox Detox results with you! How exciting!

Check out the links below and make sure you SIGN UP FOR OUR MAILING LIST! This new reader experience has never been done before and you don’t want to miss out!

Make sure to watch the video all the way to the end to see Bonus footage of some of my most funniest moments while filming episode 3!

Take On Innovation and Enjoy,

Toi

Links below!

BOOK MAILING LIST: http://eepurl.com/by3VrP

SKINNY FOX DETOX: http://www.skinnyfoxdetox.com/

SECRET BOOK LAUNCH FB GROUP:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/17108…

YOGI TEA: https://www.yogiproducts.com/

Website: http://thetoihouse.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Instagram: ToiHouse & ToiStori
FB: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/Toicollection
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/toihouse/

Social Book Launch Journey: Episode 2

Social Book Launch Journey: Episode 2

Hey loves! Welcome to episode 2 of our Social Book Launch Journey! In this episode, I talk about all of the fun and interesting things that happened this week for our book launch!

I share a few links with you guys in hopes that they will help you with your own projects, giving you resources that may take weeks to find online!

Make sure to watch the video all the way to the end to see some of my most funniest moments while filming episode 2!

Take On Innovation and Enjoy,

Toi
Links below!

BOOK MAILING LIST: http://eepurl.com/by3VrP

BUFFER.COM: https://buffer.com/ Social Media Platform to manage your multiple social media accounts

SECRET BOOK LAUNCH FB GROUP:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/17108…

BEST TIME TO POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
http://www.adweek.com/socialtimes/bes…

UPWORKS.COM: https://www.upwork.com/ Freelance resources

ASANA.COM – https://app.asana.com/ Project Management Platform
Website: http://thetoihouse.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Instagram: ToiHouse & ToiStori
FB: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/Toicollection
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/toihouse/

Social Book Launch Journey: Episode 1

Social Book Launch Journey: Episode 1

Hey everyone! If you haven’t heard by now, I am launching my 1st book! Scary and amazing all rolled into 1. PLEASE SIGN UP FOR THE BOOK MAILING LIST BELOW…

Anyway, I have been working on my book launch since last summer– slowly but surely and now it’s time to kick things into high gear. We are on schedule for a June 2016 Book release and there is still so much to do!

The book has already been written…for 9 years to be exact but launching a book is a completely different monster in itself. I’ve researched the best ways to do this and I’m trying my hardest to accomplish these tasks as well as the unique tasks I’ve set up for myself.

I figured, there have to be other self- publishers out there, just like myself who are just as lost or maybe they’ve been there– done that. So, I wanted to document my journey in episodes, telling you what I’ve done, which tasks I’ve yet to tackle and how close we are to our book launch.

Doing this with you is me forcing myself to be held accountable by you…the viewer… the reader. And in doing so, I am pushing ahead to complete all of my tasks (which I will share with you) because I don’t want to make myself into a liar. I said I’m launching book, dangit….I’M LAUNCHING A BOOK!

If you want to be a part of this Book Launch Journey and email campaign I mention in the video, see the links below. And make sure you follow me, subscribe and comment too! I want to hear from you!

Til next time. Take On Innovation,

Toi

BOOK MAILING LIST: http://eepurl.com/by3VrP

Website: http://thetoihouse.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Instagram: ToiHouse & ToiStori
FB: http://www.twitter.com/TheToiHouse
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/Toicollection
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/toihouse/

Motivation Monday – You…A Flicker of Existence

Motivation Monday – You…A Flicker of Existence

When you stop to think about how vast the universe is, how many planets, comets, asteroids and stars there are, remember your place within it.

You are but a grain of living energy sailing within a single galaxy, within a minute solar system drifting among millions, on a tiny infinitesimal planet, orbiting but 1 star, literally floating in the blackness of space.

You actually exist within a colossal body of glorious life which literally spins of its own accord with 8 sister planets in a harmonic dance that has lasted for millions of years.

And then, there’s you…you, who is only here but for a mere half of a blink, a flicker of existence. Living life, giving life and ultimately exploring it. Would you waste this miraculous moment, which is you, dispirited, tormented, dissatisfied and unmotivated to be anything but?

galaxy-facebook-cover-22

Your life is the most precious, most miraculous gift the star-dust of galaxies has ever formed, ever created. Live in your moment. Breathe your purpose. Explore your being and never waste it on anything less than the miracle that is you.

Overall, the endless vastness of space and all of the immaculate life it holds is so much bigger than any type of adversity you shall ever face.

Be encouraged and be motivated to make your moment, your time, your existence in this universe worth it.

~ Toi Powell

 

Sign up for my book mailing list here!

Be a part of my book!

Subscribe to find out how

Subscribe to get more information about the launch of my 1st book! 
Have you ever read a book and felt like you were actually a part of the story? Better yet, have you ever followed an author and received exclusive behind the scenes access and information designed specifically for you?

By subscribing, you’ll have:

  • Exclusive access to preview selected book chapters
  • Live Stream video chats w/ me and my characters
  • In depth character background – not found in the book
  • Vote for your favorite book cover
  • Launch dates, events and free giveaways!

All because you signed up to read this AMAZING book!

michener-wallpaper

You will also be the 1st to know when and where to get your copy and you’ll be given a special invitation to attend the book launch party! Paaaaaaaar-taaaay!

What’s the name of this book and what is it about? Wouldn’t you like to know.

Here’s a secret for you: It took me 1 year to write it, 8 years to publish it and …I wrote it by accident.

Don’t miss a beat! Tell your friends and family to sign up too! You don’t want to miss this!

Click here to read my 1st post about this book:

Part 1 – Inception & Discovery 

For more on T.O.I House

Visit my website: www.thetoihouse.com
Etsy body scrubs: Etsy.com/shop/toihouse
Videos: www.Youtube.com/Toicollection
F
B: www.facebook.com/TheToiHouse

Take On Innovation,

~ Toi Stori